I hope you're all having a pleasant Memorial Day today. As everyone knows, this marks the unofficial start of summer, although down here in Texas it feels as if it's been summer for a few weeks. And if the weather isn't hot enough for you, the TV certainly should be. This week's journey takes us to Iowa, the western neighbors to the land of my birth. I don't know if I'm correct, but I think this is the first time we've done an all-Iowa edition, and in honor of the occasion (since I don't know that much about Iowa television), I present you with the best jokes Minnesotans tell about Iowa.WMT, Channel 2 (Cedar Rapids) (CBS) | ||
Morning | ||
08:00a | Captain Kangaroo | |
08:45a | CBS Morning News (Richard C. Hottelet) | |
09:00a | Garry Moore | |
09:30a | How Do You Rate? | |
10:00a | Arthur Godfrey | |
10:30a | Dotto | |
11:00a | Love of Life | |
11:30a | Search for Tomorrow | |
11:45a | The Guiding Light | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | CBS News (Walter Cronkite) | |
12:05p | News, Sports, Weather (local) | |
12:15p | Farm and Markets | |
12:30p | As the World Turns | |
01:00p | Home Fare | |
01:30p | House Party (guest yoga expert Clara Spring) | |
02:00p | The Big Payoff | |
02:30p | The Verdict is Yours | |
03:00p | A Brighter Day | |
03:15p | The Secret Storm | |
03:30p | The Edge of Night | |
04:00p | Marshal “J” | |
04:45p | Movie – “One Way Ticket” | |
05:55p | News, Weather, Sports (local) | |
Evening | ||
06:15p | Douglas Edwards With the News | |
06:30p | Sergeant Preston | |
07:00p | Richard Diamond | |
07:30p | Climax! | |
08:30p | Playhouse 90 | |
10:00p | Compass | |
10:30p | News, Weather (local) | |
10:50p | Tower Theater – “It’s in the Bag” | |
Have you heard about the Iowan who got so fed up with Minnesota that he decided he was going to blow up the whole state? He went out and got a stick of dynamite and threw it across the state line where it landed at the foot of a Minnesotan, who looked down, picked it up, lit the fuse and threw it back.
KGLO, Channel 3 (Mason City) (CBS) | ||
Morning | ||
08:00a | Captain Kangaroo | |
08:45a | CBS Morning News (Richard C. Hottelet) | |
09:00a | Garry Moore | |
09:30a | How Do You Rate? | |
10:00a | Arthur Godfrey | |
10:30a | Dotto | |
11:00a | Love of Life | |
11:30a | Search for Tomorrow | |
11:45a | The Guiding Light | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | News (local) | |
12:30p | As the World Turns | |
01:00p | Beat the Clock | |
01:30p | House Party (guest yoga expert Clara Spring) | |
02:00p | The Big Payoff | |
02:30p | The Verdict is Yours | |
03:00p | A Brighter Day | |
03:15p | The Secret Storm | |
03:30p | The Edge of Night | |
04:00p | Bob Cavanaugh | |
05:00p | To Be Announced | |
05:35p | Time Out For Talk | |
05:45p | Douglas Edwards With the News | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | News, Weather (local) | |
06:30p | Annie Oakley | |
07:00p | Richard Diamond | |
07:30p | Climax! | |
08:30p | Playhouse 90 | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:30p | Heart of the City | |
Q: What do you call a bunch of tractors parked in front of a McDonald's on Friday night in Iowa?
A: Prom.
A: Prom.
KTVO, Channel 3 (Ottumwa) (CBS, NBC) | ||
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | Beat the Clock | |
12:30p | House Party (guest yoga expert Clara Spring) | |
01:00p | The Big Payoff | |
01:30p | The Verdict is Yours | |
02:00p | Matinee Theater (color) | |
03:00p | Queen for a Day | |
03:45p | The Secret Storm | |
04:00p | Movie – “The Iroquis Trail” | |
05:15p | Douglas Edwards With the News | |
Evening | ||
06:10p | Weather (local) | |
06:15p | The Huntley-Brinkley Report | |
06:30p | Sergeant Preston | |
07:00p | You Bet Your Life | |
07:30p | Playhouse 90 | |
09:00p | Ernie Ford (guest Phyllis Kirk) | |
09:30p | Trackdown | |
10:00p | Movie – “Wicked Woman” | |
I don't often run into University of Iowa graduates, but when I do I always ask for large fries.
WHBF, Channel 4 (Rock Island) (CBS) | ||
Morning | ||
08:00a | Captain Kangaroo | |
08:45a | CBS Morning News (Richard C. Hottelet) | |
09:00a | Garry Moore | |
09:30a | How Do You Rate? | |
10:00a | Arthur Godfrey | |
10:30a | Dotto | |
11:00a | Love of Life | |
11:30a | Search for Tomorrow | |
11:45a | The Guiding Light | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | My Little Margie | |
12:30p | As the World Turns | |
01:00p | Beat the Clock | |
01:30p | House Party (guest yoga expert Clara Spring) | |
02:00p | The Big Payoff | |
02:30p | The Verdict is Yours | |
03:00p | A Brighter Day | |
03:15p | The Secret Storm | |
03:30p | The Edge of Night | |
04:00p | Looneyville Lighthouse | |
05:00p | Woody Woodpecker | |
05:30p | The Mickey Mouse Club | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | Sky King | |
06:30p | Sergeant Preston | |
07:00p | Richard Diamond | |
07:30p | Climax! | |
08:30p | Playhouse 90 | |
10:00p | Official Detective | |
10:30p | News, Weather (local) | |
10:50p | Movie – “Sign of the Ram” | |
In Minnesota, if people are told they have six months to live, they move to Iowa,where it seems like a decade.
WOI, Channel 5 (Ames) (ABC) | ||
Morning | ||
10:45a | Welcome Mat | |
11:00a | Magic Window | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | News (local) | |
12:15p | Farm and Markets | |
12:45p | Today’s Homemaker | |
01:00p | Movie – TBA | |
02:00p | Liberace | |
02:30p | Life With Elizabeth | |
03:00p | American Bandstand | |
03:30p | Do You Trust Your Wife? | |
04:00p | American Bandstand | |
05:00p | Woody Woodpecker | |
05:30p | The Mickey Mouse Club | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | 777th Bengal Lancers | |
06:30p | Circus Boy | |
07:00p | Zorro | |
07:30p | The Real McCoys | |
08:00p | Pat Boone (guests Jack Carter, Gary Crosby) | |
08:30p | Navy Log | |
09:00p | Make Me Laugh | |
09:30p | 26 Men | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:20p | Nightwatch – “The Lone Gun” | |
Q: What's the only good thing to come out of Iowa?
A: Interstate 35.
A: Interstate 35.
WOC, Channel 6 (Davenport) (NBC) | ||
Morning | ||
07:00a | Today (visit to Washington, D.C.) | |
09:00a | Romper Room (Miss Gwen) | |
09:30a | Treasure Hunt | |
10:00a | The Price Is Right | |
10:30a | Truth or Consequences | |
11:00a | Tic Tac Dough | |
11:30a | It Could Be You | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | News (local) 10 Especially For You | |
12:30p | Movie – “Cluny Brown” (part 2) | |
01:30p | Kitty Foyle | |
02:00p | Matinee Theater (color) | |
03:00p | Queen for a Day | |
03:45p | Modern Romances | |
04:00p | I Married Joan | |
04:30p | Captain Ken | |
05:30p | News, Sports, Weather (local) | |
05:45p | The Huntley-Brinkley Report | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | Jim Bowie | |
06:30p | Tic Tac Dough (color) | |
07:00p | You Bet Your Life | |
07:30p | Dragnet | |
08:00p | The People’s Choice | |
08:30p | Ernie Ford (guest Teresa Brewer) | |
09:00p | Rosemary Clooney (guests John Raitt, Bob Williams) (color) | |
09:30p | Boots and Saddles | |
10:00p | Mike Hammer | |
10:30p | News, Weather (local) | |
10:50p | Soiree | |
11:00p | Jack Paar Tonight (guests Sam Levenson, Shelley Berman) | |
Q: What's the difference between an Iowa football player and a dollar?
A: You can get four quarters out of a dollar.
KWWL, Channel 7 (Waterloo) (NBC) | ||
Morning | ||
07:00a | Today (visit to Washington, D.C.) | |
09:00a | Dough Re Mi | |
09:30a | Treasure Hunt | |
10:00a | The Price Is Right | |
10:30a | Truth or Consequences | |
11:00a | Tic Tac Dough | |
11:30a | It Could Be You | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | Midday Matinee – “Roaring City” | |
01:30p | Kitty Foyle | |
02:00p | Matinee Theater (color) | |
03:00p | Queen for a Day | |
03:45p | Modern Romances | |
04:00p | I Married Joan | |
04:30p | Movie – “The Seige” | |
05:30p | News, Sports, Weather (local) | |
Evening | ||
06:15p | The Huntley-Brinkley Report | |
06:30p | Tic Tac Dough (color) | |
07:00p | You Bet Your Life | |
07:30p | Dragnet | |
08:00p | Dr. Christian | |
09:00p | Rosemary Clooney (guests John Raitt, Bob Williams) (color) | |
09:30p | Jane Wyman | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:30p | Jack Paar Tonight (guests Sam Levenson, Shelley Berman) | |
Q: What do tornadoes and graduates from the University of Iowa have in common?
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
A: They both end up in trailer parks.
KRNT, Channel 8 (Des Moines) (CBS) | ||
Morning | ||
08:00a | Captain Kangaroo | |
08:45a | CBS Morning News (Richard C. Hottelet) | |
09:00a | Garry Moore | |
09:30a | How Do You Rate? | |
10:00a | Arthur Godfrey | |
10:30a | Dotto | |
11:00a | Mary Jane Chinn | |
11:30a | Search for Tomorrow | |
11:45a | The Guiding Light | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | Bill Riley Time | |
12:30p | News (Don Soliday) | |
12:40p | Bill Riley Time | |
12:55p | Pastor’s Study | |
01:00p | Love of Life | |
01:30p | House Party (guest yoga expert Clara Spring) | |
02:00p | The Big Payoff | |
02:30p | The Verdict is Yours | |
03:00p | A Brighter Day | |
03:15p | The Secret Storm | |
03:30p | The Edge of Night | |
04:00p | As the World Turns | |
04:30p | Beat the Clock | |
05:00p | Bill Riley Theater | |
05:45p | Douglas Edwards With the News | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | News, Weather (local) | |
06:15p | Gordon Gammack | |
06:30p | Sergeant Preston | |
07:00p | Richard Diamond | |
07:30p | Climax! | |
08:30p | Playhouse 90 | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:30p | Sports World | |
11:00p | Jack Paar Tonight (guests Sam Levenson, Shelley Berman) | |
Q: What do you call an IQ of 76?
A: Des Moines.
KCRG, Channel 9 (Cedar Rapids) (ABC) | ||
Afternoon | ||
12:55p | News, Weather (local) | |
01:00p | Film Feature | |
01:30p | Movie – “I Walked With a Zombie” | |
02:30p | Trouble With Father | |
03:00p | American Bandstand | |
03:30p | Do You Trust Your Wife? | |
04:00p | American Bandstand | |
05:00p | Woody Woodpecker | |
05:30p | The Mickey Mouse Club | |
Evening | ||
06:00p | Kit Carson | |
06:30p | Circus Boy | |
07:00p | Zorro | |
07:30p | The Real McCoys | |
08:00p | Pat Boone (guests Jack Carter, Gary Crosby) | |
08:30p | Navy Log | |
09:00p | Target | |
09:30p | Boots and Saddles | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:10p | Movie – “You’ll Find Out” | |
11:15p | News, Weather (local) | |
Q: Why do all football stadiums in Iowa have artificial turf?
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing on the field.
A: To keep the cheerleaders from grazing on the field.
WHO, Channel 13 (Des Moines) (NBC) | ||
Morning | ||
06:55a | Daily Word | |
07:00a | Today (visit to Washington, D.C.) | |
09:00a | Romper Room (Miss Nancy) | |
09:30a | Treasure Hunt | |
10:00a | The Price Is Right | |
10:30a | Truth or Consequences | |
11:00a | Tic Tac Dough | |
11:30a | It Could Be You | |
Afternoon | ||
12:00p | News (local) | |
12:10p | Cartoons | |
12:40p | Movie – “The Caribbean Mystery” | |
01:45p | Arranging Flowers | |
02:00p | Matinee Theater (color) | |
03:00p | Queen for a Day | |
03:45p | Modern Romances | |
04:00p | I Married Joan | |
04:30p | Popeye | |
05:05p | Movie – “A Dispatch from Reuter’s” (part 1) | |
Evening | ||
06:05p | Weather and News (local) | |
06:15p | The Huntley-Brinkley Report | |
06:30p | Tic Tac Dough (color) | |
07:00p | You Bet Your Life | |
07:30p | Dragnet | |
08:00p | The People’s Choice | |
09:00p | Rosemary Clooney (guests John Raitt, Bob Williams) (color) | |
09:30p | State Trooper | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:30p | Movie – “Claudia and David” | |
Did you hear the one about the time Iowa played Minnesota in football? A train running past the stadium sounded its horn; the Minnesota players thought it meant the end of the half and ran off the field. Four plays later, Iowa scored. (Obviously these football jokes go way back.)
KQTV, Channel 21 (Fort Dodge) (NBC) | ||
Afternoon | ||
01:00p | Hi-Fi Music Room | |
01:30p | Bingo Matinee | |
02:00p | Matinee Theater (color) | |
03:00p | Queen for a Day | |
03:45p | Modern Romances | |
04:00p | I Married Joan | |
04:30p | Eve’s Kitchen | |
05:30p | Dick Johnson | |
05:45p | San Francisco Beat | |
Evening | ||
06:15p | The Huntley-Brinkley Report | |
06:30p | Vacation Time | |
07:00p | You Bet Your Life | |
07:30p | Dragnet | |
08:00p | Schlitz Playhouse | |
09:00p | Rosemary Clooney (guests John Raitt, Bob Williams) (color) | |
09:30p | Our Miss Brooks | |
10:00p | News (local) | |
10:15p | Charlie Chan | |
10:45p | Sports Review | |
But just to be fair, since I'm not much of a fan of Minnesota anymore either, I'll end with this one:
Q: What do you call 50 men sitting around watching the Super Bowl on television?
A: The Minnesota Vikings.